im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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