you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sext me about skeletons
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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