life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
