This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
