Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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