With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
