wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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