dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
