The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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