Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
