So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
