I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
