I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
