Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
