i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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