You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i will never coherently bang her
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
