That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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