I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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