Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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