"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
