He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
