Four minutes until I can fart!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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