You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
