Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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