I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
