my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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