The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
