Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
