Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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