As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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