My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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