My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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