We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
