If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
