I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
