Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
