I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
