Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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