one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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