he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
