I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
