I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
