hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
