My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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