My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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