oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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