Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
