Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Congratulations! We have a period
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