And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
