I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
