she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
