i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
