so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
